for the ghosts to run me over
for the pain to sear again
to meet the me i wrote away
i went below
into my caves.
and in my reading and my viewing
i diffed how i had changed
but some things stayed the same
[heart-strings reverberate]
O, how my Art longed to be
part of a different way.
i had forgotten what i showed and said
now divergence in collapse
[scraping scales from twilight eyes]
[suffocation's final gasp]
it's the Art that has been calling me
reaching out from somewhere else
highlighting all my vision
leading me back
into my self.
i had smothered it in pages
and in image, song, and rhyme
my black valice
O, my black heart!
i have remembered
of (my|the) Art.
but also i remembered
why it is that i would flee
was because
it seemed to me--
[dead-end street]
i could not feel the Art
my Art was dead upon the page
i could see no point
i could see no way
to effect real change
to rearrange
help us attain
a greater state
a better day
POETIC & POWERLESS
was one book's given name
but i knew Love and pain
and dreams and plans and rage
so i poured in, anyway--
even if
i could not feel it
i retained
my Artist faith.
so i chose to take a tangent--
i retrained my Artist faith.
took the classes
felt the depth
[slingshot rocket]
[heart of tech]
never looking back
on all i'd left.
i branched so deep
into these dark Arts
relentless learning and defining
planning, building, fixing, finding
brief enjoyment cycles
but mostly desperate grinding
as pressure, speed, perfection
extract their brutal toll.
long-time builder, will--
but not quite way
ever-searching
day on day
[branching deep, imagination]
[deep wells of expended time]
[hybrid Art and tech explorer]
[burnout wedged the last divide]
a walking whisper followed me
a ghost of my first start
every project, driven forth
in every one impart
any something of my vision
any something
of old Art.
now beyond and through my caves
begin to shape my stand
Ariadne's twine in hand
leading back where this began
i begin to search the skies
i begin recursive {rise}
i begin the return flight
i begin to shine my Light
but i need more than mine
i think YOURS would help just fine
for this labyrinth, at night
is not traversable.